The love we have became the love we had...
I am struggling with heavy feelings today. I've white-knuckled my way through and now the loss, the grief, is rushing in all at once. I am saddened. There is little I find myself able to think about other than the life I had been promised. A life ended abruptly. Snuffed out with these hands. Who am I, then? If not wife, partner, hostess of our parties, planner of our futures? Who do I become in the hollow space where once I was the enviable trophy, wife of an attorney, half of the couple proving everyone wrong and really making it? We traveled the world together. We bought an old house and made it our home. We adopted unwanted cats and dogs and made them our children. We bought a boat and together we named it. The city belonged to us. "Better times," we told ourselves for years, "are just around the corner." We never could quite catch up with them though, could we? Real togetherness was the can we kept kicking I know I had to leave. I know it in my bo...